Working with acceptance.

The awareness of the change.

I’m writing today’s blog according to actualizing tendencies and locus of evaluation. What is that? It is super conscious and internal wisdom, a source of fully functioning person and self-awareness by understanding and acceptance.

That is the most significant moment and experience, not only in therapy but in our whole life. That is the time when we accept our own self as a person, as an organism as a fulfilment potential in life, is what Rogers called a fully functioning person.

It is important to trust in the process and therapeutic work.

Rogers believes that humans have one basic need to self-actualization, to achieve the tendency has to be in the state of congruence where self – image is close to ideal – self, another way the self-actualization will be difficult to achieve if not even dysfunctional.

“The organism has one basic tendency and striving – to actualize, maintain, and enhance the experiencing organism” (Rogers, 1951, p. 487).

A typical issue for an internal locus of evaluation from Dave Mearns and Brian Throne book is when Client expresses himself to say:

“I suppose I went into the job to please my father. It seemed to make sense, too, in terms of having some sort of career structure ….or “yes I have a feeling I married Jean because I knew my parents like her….”

The dialogue between therapist and the client shows significant evidence of locus of evaluation when the client realises that he is making the job for satisfaction of his father in law and the relationship with Jean is the only purpose for pleasing their parents but not for themselves. In the end, that decision made by the client could be devastating in the future because the job and marriage do not satisfy him. The marriage will collapse and be finalised by divorce. Lack of settlement of the work will be tracked to burnout and several stress disorders can appear.

That is the point when we find our ideal self, unrealized and unhappy, so we cannot achieve full potential in life and the congruence of self-acceptance does not be fulfilled because of one or more wrong decisions in life.

To increase our consciousness of an ideal self is worth remembering Maslow’s opinion about self-actualization where he believes that people need for personal growth and discovery of their own life in their own meaning, depending on what is worth and important for them. According to the characteristic for instance.

” They perceive reality efficiently and can tolerate uncertainty. Accept themselves and others for what they are. Spontaneous in thought and action”

On the other hand, the self-actualized person, for example, will behave like a child, with full absorption and concentration. Trying new things instead of sticking to safe paths. Listening to your feelings in evaluating experiences instead of the voice of tradition, authority or the majority. Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” and his investment for education make a major contribution to work for teaching and classroom management.

As a human, we need to strive for full potential and step by step to retaliate our own self in our own life from basic life, biological and physiological needs. From safety to love and belonging. From esteem, reputation to self-actualization.

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” – Carl Rogers.

Published by Marcin Bogucki

Counselling & Psychotherapy for both English and Polish speakers.

One thought on “Working with acceptance.

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